The Naming of the Animals

The Naming of the Animals

I am called ‘Parker’.

I am not the ‘Parker’ who lives in a condo with an elevator entrance along the Willamette River in Portland,a dog who is named after Charlie Parker.

I am also not the ‘Parker’ who lives at the Long Beach Aquarium in California. This
sea lion gets to eat thirty pounds of restaurant quality fish every day.

I am named after the Parker Hotel in Palm Springs. This is where my owners stayed on the trip where they discovered me. I came home with my owner who saw me in a shop window and had to have me and brought me back to Greater LA. I rode in the front seat of the car and I freaked out motorists of the desert by staring out the window when we stopped at intersections.

I am not obese as you can see from the picture.(I do my treadmill time at the company gym!)

As I settled into big city life, I had to give up some of my space because new critters were added to the house.I am the CEO of this ‘Swarm’, the head of ‘Parker Industries Ltd’, and I would like to introduce you to my employees. (I should have spelled this ’employes’ because some big companies change the spelling of the word for cost reduction.) Sometimes the Swarm is mistaken for a Flash Mob, but I want to assure you that it is merely a bunch of corporate animals.

As you can tell from the photo -as you slowly scroll down- they all want to be rabbits. AC and Mark Up are wearing rabbitear head extensions!

AC, the lizard, presented himself to our owners at Park Guell in Barcelona. The AC Diplomatic is where our keepers stayed when they were in Barcelona. AC is Gaudi but not gaudy.

Mark Up is an interesting case. He is in a Halloween dragon costume and was in the mark down bin on November 1 at Starbuck’s as he is one of the Starbuck’s BEARistas. He refused to be called «Mark Down» just because he spent on day in a discount bin. So our owner, a skookum person, agreed to put a spin on his name.

Another member of the team is Hopkins. My owner had a drink at the Top of the Mark. I think it was a Brandy Alexander. Hopkins has traveled UPS to Florida and back to cheer up a relative. He has the annoying habit of tittering and has sharp teeth, but he is beloved, nonetheless, because he is pocket sized for a rabbit and travels well. He has complied with security on his other journeys but was nervous about it the first few times. He is content to leap into a tray and go through the hand luggage machine because he is too wiggly to opt for a patdown (do they even have veterinarians on call at airports?) and too short for the instrumentation of full body imaging.

I shouldn’t forget to mention the two stone-faced hounds, Western and Best, and also the birds on their perch, Astoria and Waldorf. Fish are represented by the enchanting Esmeralda who hails from Indian Wells.

I recruit from all species. Heck, I would even hire a Squid if he qualified for an opening.

As the head of Parker Industries Ltd, I endeavor to enhance the quality of work life. My latest project is to implement a look book for my teammates which consists of paste-ups of animals. I apologize to them for not putting the photos on a Facebook, but they will have to make do with a traditional scrapbook for the time being.

The ‘Swarm’ stares at the book by the hour. AC loves the Geico gecko and Mark Up likes the spirit bears in National Geographic. I’m so busy that I haven’t even had time to get out and see a movie. I want to see «The Beaver».

Astoria and Waldorf

Parker Industries recognizes their communication aptitude and so these two have been selected for managing emails.

Let me tell you, I am a paternalistic CEO. I am the founder of Parker Industries Ltd. I suspect that companies run by the founder have a different style than those organizations that have been acquired through leveraged buyouts. It is my hope that the traditions will live on at Parker Industries Ltd long after I am gone.

The other feathered team members, Marriott and Biltmore, don’t appear here in this picture. I noticed that the birds needed to burn some calories so I had them fly off to our offsite operations to check the accounting. (Hopkins, a most indefatigable critter, who runs the venture capital, is overseeing their progress.)

I realize that some companies provide unlimited soda pop as a perk, and this is ok in my opinion if you are trying to recruit a youthful labor force. I used to dispense unlimited slices of my favorite carrot cake, the kind you see in the movie,«HOP», but I now limit this benefit to the month of April. I don’t think this has impacted my ability to attract rabbit employees.

I try to limit the number of birthday celebrations and potlucks in the office to one day a month to help employee health, especially the health of those who struggle with diets. I take advantage of these occasions to recognize unusual employee performance and to hand out award certificates. My favorite of these is the iHOPtoIT Achievement Award for completing a major task within time constraints and budget.

Astoria Column Oregon

A member of our feathered duo at Parker Industries is Astoria. She was hatched in this obelisk and she flew south after she matured.

Astoria was founded as a fur-trade town, the first settlement on the Pacific coast of America. Of course, fur is a favorite topic among some of our employees.

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